I’m a Living Ghost

Hey, guys.

So, if you know me, you know my life.

I’ve literally been stuck in this “quarter life rut” (aka quarter life crisis) for a few years now.

You know how it goes.

I’ve graduated college with a degree everyone says was a mistake to get, even though it made me happy getting it.

I’m still at the job I worked at while attending college.

That job does not in any way qualify me for any of the jobs I think I can get with my B.A. in English studies and Writing.

So, as you can guess, my life gets pretty repetitive.

I sleep, I wake up. Go to work. Make money. Come home. Walk dog. Apply for jobs. Sleep. Wake up. Go to work. Spend time with friends and boyfriend. Walk dog. Apply for jobs.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Work.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Apply for jobs.

Work.

Sleep.

Wake up.

Read through the rejection emails.

Work.

Sleep.

Wake up.

You get the idea. It kinda just keeps going on like that.

And, I know I have to pay my dues as a young adult, I have no problem with that. Hard work is nothing to be ashamed of. But.

I keep seeing people around me moving, constantly. Moving in their lives, bettering it, expanding, growing.

And I’m still here. Still stuck in the same routine, and I don’t know how to get out.

At times, I do think that maybe I’m a ghost of my former self or I’m stuck in some dream-like limbo where it’s the premise of Ground Hog Day and I just keep going through the same motions each and every day until one day it gets to me so much that I just have to scream at the world with every inch of breath I hold in my lungs until it all just shifts.

I don’t know, sometimes I think the repetition will drive me insane, and I’m truly scared for the day that comes. I hope it never does.

I just think, that if life grants us so many lessons and gives us so much shit… shouldn’t we at least be able to branch out from it? I feel like so many people have accepted the mediocrity of their mundane lives with no intention of breaking free.

Who, as a child, wishes to be a banker when they grow up?

A sales associate?

A restaurant manager?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s pretentious of me to say that, but. I’ve always known I wanted to become a writer. Ever since I was little.

And I know it’s hard, people tell me all the time that it’s a dying art.

But is it really? I think it’s more relevant than ever before. It’s actually evolving.

The point is: I’m not going to give up.

I will get depressed at times by all of the rejection emails, yes, and I will continue to curse my life and my low-income/high-volume job. But I will continue to write and I will always make myself known until the right opportunity comes along.

I refuse to settle. It’s simply not who I am.

I will not be a ghost, not for much longer. -Dee

 

 

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